i am having a really hard time right now. maybe some of you have noticed im not on ig anymore. lots going on in my real 3d 4d life and being connected to everyone on social media was taking many hits to my sanity. so i deleted it. i feel a lot better being off of it honestly and am considering just keeping it that way.

im happy not doing any art jobs, im happy not taking commissions. im happy not thinking about stocking up for my shop. im happy not having done inktober. im happy not doing anything right now and just being still.

thinking about making things and having to sell them or having to always have jobs makes me feel like im just making shit for money, or just doing it because someone asked me to and i cant say no, and that separates me from the things i produce ( i feel ). i used to always feel like when i would make something i loved, i would feel that it had a soul or spirit. and i think the last time i made something like that was in august of last year. yes im happy with the things i make but i havent made something that i put a piece of me in, in a long time and i dont like that.

but there are other things that are going on that arent surrounding my creative endeavors that are literally beating the shit out of me. like actually. not just omg “im having hard time” hehe haha like this shit is putting everything in my life on display before my eyes and having me die watching it over and over again. or at least thats what it feels like. one of the things on display being my relationship to my art and my creations so, ive been taking a big break from any of that. which has been nice and feels like im letting the water clear out so i can begin again. im feeling like this will help my develop a healthier relationship with my creations/creative process and myself in general…